🦋 Looking at Her Differently

For me, this week held an unexpected moment of reflection during a quiet “Natalie day.” After the completion of my Chakra Workshop series, I intentionally stepped away from the usual pace with no expectations, no conversations, just space to think and move through the day the way I do when I am in the solitude of up north: quietly and at my own rhythm.

Recently I returned to a shorter hairstyle. As soon as my stylist finished, I felt lighter and somehow freer. It reminded me of other times in my life when I have worn my hair this way and felt a similar sense of confidence and ease.

This realization stirred a memory. I suddenly thought of my 4th grade school picture. Curious, I pulled out the album and found it. For as long as I can remember, I have disliked that photo. I have always referred to it as my “awkward phase,” explaining that my hair had been cut shorter because I wasn’t taking good care of it at the time.

When I looked at that picture this week, something stopped me. I did not see myself as awkward at all. The girl in that photograph is sitting tall. She is smiling proudly. Her eyes are bright. Her posture is confident and open.

For the first time, I found myself thinking: She was never awkward. Somewhere along the way, I created that story about her. Shortly after that time in my life, things became hard. Trauma entered the picture and survival became the priority. Like so many of us do, I built layers of protection around myself. Over the years those layers quietly shaped the way I saw my past, my present, and what I believed was possible for me.

What I realize now, after several years of deeply intentional personal work, is that I am not becoming someone new. I am returning to who I have always been. I am gently peeling back those layers of self-protection, the ones built to survive difficult seasons and rediscovering the confident, open, curious version of myself that was there all along.

It is fascinating how the stories we tell about ourselves can linger for decades without being questioned. Sometimes those stories keep us small. Sometimes they cause us to hide. And sometimes, if we are honest, we hide not only from fear of failure but from fear of success. From the responsibility and visibility that come with fully stepping into who we are meant to be.

Looking at that photo now, I see something different. I see a reminder. A reminder that our authentic selves often exist long before the world teaches us to doubt them. A reminder that the confidence we are searching for is sometimes simply waiting for us beneath the layers we built to stay safe.

As an accountability partner, this realization is something I see often in the people I work with. So much of our growth is not about adding something new to who we are, it is about rediscovering the parts of ourselves that were buried under expectations, protection, or old narratives.

Sometimes the most powerful work we can do is look again.

Look at our past differently.

Look at ourselves with compassion.

Look at the stories we have carried and ask if they are still true.

For now, I have decided to keep that picture out where I can see it.

It is a reminder of the confident girl who was there all along.

Affirmation:

I release the stories that kept me small and return to the truth of who I am.

With intention,

Natalie 🦋